Kindness

by Kelly Day

I believe everyone appreciates the act of kindness. If they don’t then there is something deeper than I can explain going on. Explaining the reason we are kind can go a couple of different ways. Some people think that kindness is something selfless that we do out of love and care for another. Others believe it is just a way that we use to become more popular and reap the benefits from that popularity. 

Research shows that being kind can make us happy in many ways. We know that deciding to be generous or cooperating with others activates a part of the brain called the striatum. This area of the brain responds to things that we find rewarding, like good food or even drugs. The feel-good emotion from helping is called “warm glow” and the activity we see in the striatum is likely the biological basis of that feeling. 

It isn’t necessary to scan the brain to see the benefit of kindness. Psychology researchers have shown a link between kindness and well-being, starting at a very young age. In fact, teenagers reflecting on having been kind in the past may be enough to improve their mood. Research has also shown that spending extra money on other people may be more powerful in increasing happiness than spending it on yourself. I know this is true for me. That’s a good way for me to be since I have spent a fortune on college for my children. I’m ecstatic. 😉 

There are questions about why and how kindness makes us happy. There are many mechanisms involved, and how powerful they are in making you feel good depends on your personality. AS 

SIMPLE AS A SMILE 
Kindness makes people smile and when you see that smile it might just be catchy. A key theory in neuroscience about how we understand other people suggests that seeing someone else show an emotion automatically activates the same areas of the brain as if we experienced that emotion for ourselves. I know I have laughed long and hard just because the person I’m with is laughing, even though I have no clue what they are laughing at. 

MAKING THINGS RIGHT 
Doing a kind act to make another who is feeling sad feel better can also make us feel good – partly because we feel the same relief they do and partly because we are putting something right. We empathize with others when they are feeling down. When they feel bad, it could make you feel down. This is particularly true for close friends and family. Although this effect is especially powerful for people we are close to, it can even apply to bigger issues such as homelessness or poverty. Working with charities provides us a way to have a positive impact, which improves our moods. 

CONNECTING 
Your social connections with others open many possibilities to develop a deeper connection to others. Acts of kindness such as buying someone a gift or just a coffee strengthens friendships, and that is linked to an improved mood. Volunteering also opens new circles of people to connect with, both other volunteers and those you are helping. 

IDENTITY OF KINDNESS 
Most people would like to think they are a kind person, so acts of kindness help us to demonstrate that positive identity and make us feel proud of ourselves. In a study, even children in their first year of a secondary school recognized how being kind can make you feel better and more complete, leading to feelings of happiness. This effect is even more powerful when the kind act links with other aspects of our personality, perhaps creating a more purposeful feeling. For example, an art-lover could donate to a gallery or a retired teacher could volunteer to tutor students. Research suggests that the more someone identifies with the organization they volunteer for, the more satisfied they are. KINDNESS 

IN FULL CIRCLE
Research shows that one out of several motivations of sharing kindness is reciprocity; direct or indirect. Someone might remember that you helped them and will be more likely to help you in the future. It could also be that one person being kind makes others in the group kinder, which lifts everyone’s spirits. Imagine that you bake brownies for the work team and it catches on, so someone does it each month. That simple act provides positive feelings in the group, and that can never be bad in a work environment. 

Being kind can boost your mood, but research has also shown that being in a good mood can make you more kind. This makes it a wonderful two-way relationship which just keeps giving. 

I have a not-so-unique dream. And that dream is where everyone who has ever experienced a good deed from a stranger will, in turn, Pay it Forward. Just think how much better the world would be! 

 Kelly