It is the best of times, it is the worst of times

By Kelly Day

It’s hard to not feel blue, or even angry, about the state of our world. 2018 was unquestionably a tumultuous year. We have reports on possible scandals from our leader whose aides are being convicted of federal felonies (facts, not a political opinion). We are seeing old-fashioned racism in a way it wasn’t only five years ago. More than 200 admired, powerful men have been accused of sexual misconduct or assault. There have been human slaughters, an increase of nuclear threats, ISIS attacks, random shootings, and suicides and depression have become more prevalent, people victimizing women and fellow humans of color; climate change accelerating and more.

Yes, in some ways, these are dark times and it can be depressing. This is real and alarming. But I wanted to put a few words on paper to help us remember that some aspects of life are getting dramatically better. I know this writing is not going to counter the massive amounts of bad press and the general strong negativity bias in human nature. We all know that negative experiences affect people more, and for longer than positive ones. Survey evidence consistently indicates that few people in rich countries have any clue that the world has taken a happier turn in recent decades – a poll in 2016 found that only 8 percent of US residents knew that global poverty had fallen since 1996.

 Nothing is permanent, and challenges like climate change and the potential collapse of liberal democracy remain, but the world is getting much, much better on a variety of important, under-appreciated dimensions. We all know that bad news predominates but let’s take heart from a few under-reported encouraging trends.

Recent positive short and long-term trends and behaviors are worth noticing such as machine learning; immune therapies; #MeToo; #BlackLivesMatter; a dedication of 50/50 gender in the workplace; low inflation; digital streaming; smart cars; wearable technologies; year-round fresh fruit, and additions to my wardrobe arrive on the porch in a box!

Here are a few long-term trends worth remembering that show our world is improving.

• World hunger is retreating

• Child labor is less common

• Literacy is increasing

• Wars are becoming less frequent

• Explicit racial prejudice (as in opposition to interracial marriage) has plummeted

• Gay, lesbian, and transgender folks are becoming more accepted

• Infant mortality is rarer and life expectancy is increasing

• Rates of undernourishment have plunged across the developing world

• More babies are surviving infancy around the world

• Child mortality has been steadily declining, too

• Africa had a particularly steep drop in child mortality between 1990 and today

• Diseases like Malaria are costing fewer lives than they once did

• The number of people dying from AIDS has been declining over the last decade

To paraphrase Charles Dickens, it is the best of times, it is the worst of times. It is an age of foolishness, it is an age of wisdom. It is a season of darkness, it is a season of light. It is the winter of despair, it is the spring of hope.

These words are not meant to have a political slant. They are to point out that we are doing OK, very OK and I have hope. Some days less than others. Nonetheless, I need to believe that we are trending up and the world will only continue to improve.

"There are good things on the Horizon!"

Kelly

Kindness

by Kelly Day

I believe everyone appreciates the act of kindness. If they don’t then there is something deeper than I can explain going on. Explaining the reason we are kind can go a couple of different ways. Some people think that kindness is something selfless that we do out of love and care for another. Others believe it is just a way that we use to become more popular and reap the benefits from that popularity. 

Research shows that being kind can make us happy in many ways. We know that deciding to be generous or cooperating with others activates a part of the brain called the striatum. This area of the brain responds to things that we find rewarding, like good food or even drugs. The feel-good emotion from helping is called “warm glow” and the activity we see in the striatum is likely the biological basis of that feeling. 

It isn’t necessary to scan the brain to see the benefit of kindness. Psychology researchers have shown a link between kindness and well-being, starting at a very young age. In fact, teenagers reflecting on having been kind in the past may be enough to improve their mood. Research has also shown that spending extra money on other people may be more powerful in increasing happiness than spending it on yourself. I know this is true for me. That’s a good way for me to be since I have spent a fortune on college for my children. I’m ecstatic. 😉 

There are questions about why and how kindness makes us happy. There are many mechanisms involved, and how powerful they are in making you feel good depends on your personality. AS 

SIMPLE AS A SMILE 
Kindness makes people smile and when you see that smile it might just be catchy. A key theory in neuroscience about how we understand other people suggests that seeing someone else show an emotion automatically activates the same areas of the brain as if we experienced that emotion for ourselves. I know I have laughed long and hard just because the person I’m with is laughing, even though I have no clue what they are laughing at. 

MAKING THINGS RIGHT 
Doing a kind act to make another who is feeling sad feel better can also make us feel good – partly because we feel the same relief they do and partly because we are putting something right. We empathize with others when they are feeling down. When they feel bad, it could make you feel down. This is particularly true for close friends and family. Although this effect is especially powerful for people we are close to, it can even apply to bigger issues such as homelessness or poverty. Working with charities provides us a way to have a positive impact, which improves our moods. 

CONNECTING 
Your social connections with others open many possibilities to develop a deeper connection to others. Acts of kindness such as buying someone a gift or just a coffee strengthens friendships, and that is linked to an improved mood. Volunteering also opens new circles of people to connect with, both other volunteers and those you are helping. 

IDENTITY OF KINDNESS 
Most people would like to think they are a kind person, so acts of kindness help us to demonstrate that positive identity and make us feel proud of ourselves. In a study, even children in their first year of a secondary school recognized how being kind can make you feel better and more complete, leading to feelings of happiness. This effect is even more powerful when the kind act links with other aspects of our personality, perhaps creating a more purposeful feeling. For example, an art-lover could donate to a gallery or a retired teacher could volunteer to tutor students. Research suggests that the more someone identifies with the organization they volunteer for, the more satisfied they are. KINDNESS 

IN FULL CIRCLE
Research shows that one out of several motivations of sharing kindness is reciprocity; direct or indirect. Someone might remember that you helped them and will be more likely to help you in the future. It could also be that one person being kind makes others in the group kinder, which lifts everyone’s spirits. Imagine that you bake brownies for the work team and it catches on, so someone does it each month. That simple act provides positive feelings in the group, and that can never be bad in a work environment. 

Being kind can boost your mood, but research has also shown that being in a good mood can make you more kind. This makes it a wonderful two-way relationship which just keeps giving. 

I have a not-so-unique dream. And that dream is where everyone who has ever experienced a good deed from a stranger will, in turn, Pay it Forward. Just think how much better the world would be! 

 Kelly 

I'm on a News Diet - Join me?

If you are like most Americans, the news is getting you down. Every day there is a barrage of headlines and in-depth discussions on topics that can upset the average person.  Not just the political mess that is unfolding, but the shootings, the natural disasters, racism and other deeply disturbing topics that impact our physiological state. It has been proven that the human brain is attracted to troubling information because it’s programmed to detect threats, not to overlook them. This can make it hard for us to ignore the negatives and seek out the positives around us. Studies have shown that 56% of Americans following the news regularly gives them stress. We tend to take the feelings from that stress and bring it into our personal lives.  If you are the type of person who can scan headlines with no adverse impact, then you are the minority.

I’m a passionate person and it hits me hard when I read about senseless deaths from maniacs. It takes me several days, and sometimes weeks to process it and get my balance back.  I have decided to change the way I get my news. The world is going to press on whether I check the headlines each hour or not. I have made the conscious decision to strategically capture news by removing the alerts and news applications on my phone; unlink to the newscasts and shut off the radio and television for most of the evening.  Giving up news entirely is not the answer, managing your input is. I have put myself on a news diet.

Finding positives for every negative is helpful. When you see or read something upsetting, make it a point to do something that makes you feel good and happy.  For me it is hopping in my Figaro, popping in a Sinatra or Doris Day CD and cruising around the lake with the top down. I believe this is keeping me from getting as upset when I read that someone has decided people need to die by their hands or a politician is ranting on television.

I hope that you too will decide to strategically capture the world’s news and reach out and find the things that make you feel good. Have a coffee with a friend, drop off food at the food bank, call a family member to tell them you love them or just get in your Figaro and drive while Sinatra is telling you “The Best Is Yet to Come”.

Kelly

My College Graduate

Wow! Time has flown.  Lindsey is working on her thesis at the University of Texas and enjoying a very nice life in Austin, Texas.  She was born but not raised in Austin so she always wanted to see what the city was all about.  She has fallen in love with it; like most.  This summer she will possess that piece of paper that will take her through the next door of her journey.  She started out thinking she wanted to be a medical doctor. Within her second year she realized one main thing about herself. She must be in a role in society that helps people. Now, she needed to figure out how that fit into a good career. One that she does not get too wrapped up in the bureaucracy. She will figure all of this out in due course. I love this girl.

A true gift from God

When I look at pictures of Lindsey from year to year I see such a beautiful person evolving, in and out. She has grown into a strong, smart, kind and giving person. As always, I'm reminded of how she is no longer a little girl when she dresses up to go to a dance or other formal events.  Then I'm reminded even more when the young man rings the doorbell to take her out.  Of course he is so nervous to be standing there at the threshold, (literally) of the next step of his life.

We are currently searching for the perfect college for Lindsey and that is difficult.  How do you find the perfect balance? As a parent you want the best for your child. Great academics, safe environment and a place that can replace home for 4 years.  BUT not be so good that she won't want to come home.  

We have visited, UT Austin, Northwestern, University of Chicago, Southwestern, Duke and University of Washington (Seattle).  She loves the University of Washington, but that is so far from me! And this is a bit about me too. Not really, but I like to think so. We have at least 2 more to visit and then she should have a good idea where she will go, if accepted. I'm proud of her 4.36 GPA and scoring 2230 on her first SAT but she has weaker areas that she feels the school will put a lot of weight on.  She is not a leader, she doesn't want to lead.  She wants to be a healer. She doesn't realize that she will eventually be a leader in that role but she will come to that conclusion her own, in time.Our next step is to get her to Germany this summer and allow her to have a European experience; without mom.  She will be there playing in the International Music festival. She loves playing the viola and she love Europe even more!  She only wishes it was in France where she could practice her French.  Maybe next summer.

Homecoming 2010

You don't realize how grown up your children are until they get dressed for a formal event.  They truly look like an adult in their grown up digs.  These more mature events call upon everything you have taught them in social etiquette and manners.  They dress up and step out the door leaving you in the background taking silent credit in their expected behavior.  This is based on what you have drilled into their little minds over the years - Say thank you, stand up straight, eye contact, chew with your mouth closed, and much more.  Lindsey was a picture of class and maturity on her homecoming dance night.  She wore a 1950's style dress that was flirty and fun.  She found her dress on-line while looking for a dress for different event.  I thought the most appealing about the dress was that I didn't spend hours in the mall to find the perfect dress.  Click! Click! Click!  Wa La!  We have a dress!

Her dad and I were at a little antique shop and we saw the most perfect necklace for her to wear with her dress. Her dad gave it to her for her birthday.  She loves old things and she was happy that we found such a perfect piece for her special night. 

Lindsey was escorted to the dance by a young man (notice I didn't say boy?) from her French class.  He was handsome (as much as you can be at 16) and well-mannered, but not someone she desires to date....at least that is what she is telling me.  ;-)

She and her date went to dinner and the dance with another couple.  The guy in the other couple was her date for last year's dance.  I had forgotten how small the circle of dating options are in high school. 

I did not talk to her about a curfew as I knew where she was and who she was with.  And it was a special night.  I just asked her to call when she left the dance and then when she got to the after party. She came home about 1:30am with endless chatter to tell me how much of a good time she had.  Another great memory for a great young lady.  More to come!

My baby is growing up.

The Sweet 16 party was wonderful.  Lindsey and Mckenna were delivered in a white horse drawn carriage.  Upon their arrival the party guest sang happy birthday and the dads helped them down from the carriage to begin the festivities.  The guest were in costume and mask.  Lamont, the DJ, kept the place hopping with great music.  They danced, ate, acted like teenagers and had a great time.  You could see that Lindsey and Mckenna were having a wonderful time.  They were so beautiful.  It was like looking at women and not young girls.  The girl's dad were getting a little nervous when they spotted the boys circling them and showing them a lot of attention.  One of them asked Lindsey to the next dance - homecoming. I don't think Mckenna wants to go to that dance. 

When Lindsey's head finally hit the pillow, she said she had a wonderful time and captured great memories of her Sweet 16 celebration.  She was one happy young lady when she fell asleep.  That's what it's all about. :-)